Understanding Lo.......

...i recently wrote about life with D, in it I stated that I am like my mother. Now... I did say LIKE not AM. I focus a lot on the negative part of me because that's the part of me that I really dislike and want to change. Forgetting completely that that's only ONE part of me. I KNOW without a doubt that I'm an amazing person. I am one of the nicest people you wil ever meet. And Almost the sweetest.... Lol. Cause I've met sweeter people. I'm positive as I can be, with a few flaws. I'm a good friend, if you are one too. I have my own way of thinking and my own beliefs and opinions, I am considerate, caring, loving, affectionate, I'm quiet, happy, giving, Etc. I have flaws, the things I hate but try to control, I can be a bitch, I like to be left alone (when I get n my moods), etc lol. I'm very emotional and I allow the side of my mom to come out when my emotions unleash when dealing with certain people. Certain people bring that out n me. (Note: I love my girlfriend. She is amazing) And as of now those people are my mother and my girlfriend. I seem to be able to control myself with everyone else. This bothers me. With my girlfriend at least. Because I would love to be able to control my emotions around her, sometimes she is impossible. But I came to a conclusion that's just how she is. Deal with it. So I try to deal with it and try & change my normal reactions now that I'm understanding myself a bit better. Now... I have changed, and I have changed my reactions, and I even handle them pretty well 50% more of the time. But I can't control my emotions. So I still get sad... And very angry and I know that couples have issue so I tell myself its nothing. But it bothers me almost every time. :/ well... I think it bothers me because she has an asshole personality. Its almost harsh for someone as sensitive as me. I like to talk about things and she doesn't. So I really can't even talk about this. Our communication sucks. I try to work on it because their are issues. The other day I came to her with an issue and she told me what are you gonna do to change it? And she told me she said that because I'm the one with the issue. I told her we are both in a relationship. My issue is both of our issue.... I'm going into detail about my relationship because these things are what keep me from being able to stay positive, and control my emotions. But I do try. My mother... Let's see she pushes things out of me. In my relationship I changed that I stopped forcing her to talk about things and "starting stuff" and etc, I have changed a lot, but I still feel like she acts like I am acting like that when I'm actually not. Not taking the time to listen to me and realize I'm not. My mother starts stuff with me, gets emotional (like me), she does things that will make her upset, and will take that out on those around her, she likes and looks for attention, these things causing unnecessary drama, and a negative vibe that brings me way down. And I LOvE being happy. My best friend brings out the absolute best in me. She loves and understands me, doesn't judge me, knows me completely, is like me. I get SO happy around her, and when she gets unhappy my mood goes down, when I get unhappy her mood goes down. I love all of these people. These people are people that actually describe me.... And my fingers hurt, so I'm ending this... Lol
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