Rewind..

I'm curious to know where the old me went? Lol. As I'm thinking, or have been. I've changed drastically. From in between about 17-18 was when that change started happening. I'm not sure what cause it exactly. Things I've been through throughout my life have major influences on my personality characteristics. People that have known me for years tell me I've become soft. Meaning, I used to be a lot "harder" than I am today. To me that's a lot bitchier. So because I don't respond the way I used to about things in a "harder", "bitchier" way, I'm now soft. BUT to me, I don't care if I'm soft. My personality has drastically changed from that girl who used to be "angry" all the time, that girl who went thru abusive relationships and had to literally fight with her girlfriends. I've calmed down. I'm way more peaceful, a lot more sweet, and I've allowed myself to open up a lot more, which invites the sensitivity. Lol. Ill take this girl over THAT girl any day. But as I think, there are some things about that girl I did like. But they conflict with the new me. I'm not that girl I was before. And who knows, in a few years I may not be the me I am today! I had to go through things to find my true self. In the midst of the hurt, pain, anger, mistakes, lessons, and "friends" I've been through. Those life experiences help you to figure out who you are. I was never the people I hung out with, although I may have fit in the crowd, that wasn't me. And I can look back and read things I have written and just laugh and think, "oh my god, I said that?" I've definitly matured. Unfortunately when I left that old me behind I became more in tune with my emotions. Oh lords, yeah this shit again. So apparently when I came in tune with my emotions, and wasn't such a hard ass, now I'm soft. (Which honestly, I've always been emotional I was just emo and quiet and kept it to myself. I see it now! Its true. Lol I don't really care. I mean I do, and I'm trying to do something about calming down my out of wack emotions, but at the same time, under all of that anger I used to harbor, I was still just as emotional. I just never expressed it to anyone. And at that age my girlfriends didn't care enough to know how I felt. Sensitivity comes from caring. If I didn't care I wouldn't be sensitive to the person that's got me "soft" lol. Talking about this is funny. The crying used to be yelling, and grrr, a bitch this bitch that. Now its just tears of frustration, or sadness, and hell even happiness. Lol. My rewind of myself. I'm so curious to see how I end up at age like 28. Ill be in my prime. That will be the person I'm going to be for sure. Fully developed mentally, physically, emotionally, etc. Etc. Tears and all, this girl is way better than that other girl. I finally love myself. Back then, I hated myself. Not everyday is going to be a lovely day, but I can still say I am happy. And that's all that matters. :)