Knowing ME

For the past few days I've been thinking about the subject of knowing myself. Its funny when you think of all of the people who think that they know you. People who judge you negatively but have never even heard your voice, or spoken to you directly face to face, or via telephone. Web pages, bulletins, and posts DO NOT tell you about a persons personality. No matter how much I put on a page it will not describe the debt of my sweetness and sincerity. In fact, I may even come off a tad bit rude. Writings don't give you tones of voice, how do you put in debt YOU as a person on a page?

People may know who I am, know of me, know my name, know someone who knows me. I have associates and I have buddies, and I know of people, without knowing them, or knowing how they think. I have opinions of people, what I think they are like based on our convo's but I don't KNOW them. Even talking to someone everyday you may not know a single thing about this person. Especially if they don't allow you into that part of their life.

Not long ago, about almost a year someone judged me based on the way I use to say things back when I was about 16 years old. I posted a bulletin and the young lady basically went off on me telling me people my age this and that, and blah blah a few yrs ago you this and that on your bulletins, which I found very offensive. 16 yrs old? Seriously 4 yrs had passed since then. And why did it matter so much to her to "go off" and write me a very long message? Because of a bulletin of no more than 10 words. Unsure still to this day. Apparently simply reading my bulletins bothered her to the fullest extent. What she said again was based on things she simply READ online. We hadn't even ever spoken on the phone, and we saw each other every year at pride and only said hi. But to her she had this different ME already made up n her head. This is where knowing ME comes in. How can anyone know me, when I am just now getting to know myself. Seriously. I am just now getting to actually know myself. At age sixteen, I was still growing, learning, hanging with the wrong crowds simply because they were fun. That isn't ME. That's a child growing up. I'm nothing like that child I was when I was 16 yrs old. We are completely different.

On a different note people I used to be close too say you've changed. No, I've grown up. They think they know me but they don't. I was finding myself at that age, becoming, testing out, interacting, learning, growing, figuring things out, planning etc. Things and people change. Or in my case, Become.